sort of sort of sort of

Nicolle Wallace is not a lightweight when it comes to communication.  With degrees from UC Berkeley and Northwestern and a resume that boasts stints at the White House, the Today Show and the View, I would be thrilled to have Ms. Wallace speak to my students at Wayne State University.  I know we could learn a lot from her about communication, the media and public speaking.

But another media powerhouse - Howard Stern - took her to task back in December on his popular SiriusXM radio show.  A fan of her Deadline: White House show on MSNBC, Stern complimented Wallace profusely but then went on to point out that she tends to use "sort of" as a vocal filler when she's on the air.  And this critique wasn't in passing.  Stern spent some time on it, although he did also insist that he admires her work and gives her show high marks.  Wallace wasn't even a guest on Stern's show at the time - it was just Stern going on a seemingly impromptu rant.

What would you do if you were called out so publicly?  But wait - most of us won't be.  So ask yourself:  what would you do if offered constructive feedback in private?   Most of us would get defensive.  Not Nicolle Wallace.  She took to Twitter:

And you know what?  She changed her ways.  Her use of the vocal filler decreased dramatically.  And Stern noticed and praised her on one of his later shows.  Sometimes all it takes is for someone to point something out to us.  And when it's couched in praise and admiration, it's often heard and heeded.  You probably won't be headlining your own talk show on MSNBC anytime soon, but you can monitor your use of vocal fillers when speaking in public and even in private conversations.  

Just today Stern commented that Wallace seems to be slipping back a bit into her "sort of" habit.  Let's hope she was listening and will give her delivery just a little more attention.

But wait.  Is this feedback ever really appropriate?  And do women get called out on such things at rates higher than men?  I'll discuss this in a later post.   And I'll also share with you how you can better monitor your own use of unintended vocal fillers.

Make a point to have face-to-face communication

"Face-to-face conversations immerse us in a continuous multichannel sensory experience—only a fraction of which can be transferred via text or video message. Communicating solely through technology robs us of the richer neurological effects of in-person interactions and their potential to alleviate feelings of loneliness and depression."

I couldn't have said it better myself.  You can read all about this in a recent WSJ article entitled, "Why Personal Tech is Depressing."  But don't just read about it.  Make a point to seek out face-to-face communication.

Isn't it more fun to BE in a parade than to watch one on tv?

Isn't it more fun to be there in person when someone you admire speaks than to just watch them on a youtube video on your phone?

When a board frequently makes decisions by conference call, aren't they more bonded to the organization and each other when they meet in person every so often?

Face-to-face communication takes more time and effort to arrange.  But it's worth it.

"Make certain you can convey your points to a child."

Public communication vs doctor-patient communication:  are they really that different?  Does public communication improve someone's ability to communicate with a patient?

MedPage Today recently discussed this in an article entitled Can Answering a Reporter's Questions Make You a Super Communicator?"

Talking to the press and public speaking are two very different things but the advice given to professionals about to talk to a reporter is also useful to someone who is about to speak in front of a live audience.

When speaking in public it is important to be able to simplify your message.  The best advice from this article came at the end.  To quote cardiologist Dr. Clyde Yancy, "...make certain that you are able to convey your points to a child; if you can't make a child understand your message, it's not the message, it's you."

Strive to be like Clyde Yancy, and my own family's Otolaryngologist, Dr. Jeffrey Leider, pictured above. Remember to speak simply and clearly, as if a child is your audience.  As you become more adept speaking to reporters or in front of live audiences, your communication will improve in other settings as well. 

Enunciate and Emphasize

Most of us have seen the shows Shark Tank or Dragon's Den.  It's fun to watch other people pitch their ideas for a business and see if they get any bites, or funders.

At a recent conference, MOVE 2017, non-profit leaders were given the opportunity to work on their own pitches to prospective funders and then receive feedback on how effective they were and how to improve. 

Lots of useful advice was given to the non-profit leaders.  But the recurring advice that I kept hearing was that the pitches needed to do a better job enunciating or emphasizing the names of the organizations.

Audience members need help catching and remembering new and unfamiliar names and terms.  And when there's not an accompanying handout or presentation aid, it's even trickier to understand and remember the name.  I noticed that most of the pitches only mentioned the organization's name once.  If the funders didn't catch it then, they were out of luck.  Repetition is good in public speaking.  Find ways to work in the organization's name a couple of times, particularly at the beginning.

One presenter went one better:  before she began speaking, she handed each of the panelists one of her business cards.  The funders loved that and the rest of the presenters quickly followed suit.

Take advantage of the first time you say your organization's name.  Say it distinctly and clearly.  Pause right before you state the name for emphasis.  Find a way to work that name in at least one more time, even in a one to two minute pitch.  And while handouts can be distracting, if you can't use a presentation aid, consider handing out a business card or flier either before you begin or right after.  

Is it ever okay to threaten an audience member?

Yep, if you're Charlie LeDuff.

Metro Detroiters know Charlie from his spots on Fox2 Detroit.  He's a no-nonsense theatrical investigative reporter who is not afraid to get into people's faces and ask difficult questions.  You either love him or hate him.  And so when he spoke recently at a Friends of the Berkley Public Library event, the audience knew what to expect.  And he didn't disappoint.

Charlie was a rambling and spontaneous speaker who definitely became more effective as he got warmed up.  Eager to share his experiences, it was as if he didn't know how to fit it all in.  But what was most remarkable to me was how he interacted with the audience.  Charlie knows how to mind his manners, even when peppering his remarks with profanity.  He has a gift for connecting with every person, always asking people their names.  And so when one particular audience member kept yelling out to to him, Charlie just let him speak and even asked him questions about himself and his background.

The disrupter was seated toward the back, a middle aged man in a wheel chair.  While event organizers were wondering whether they should intervene, Charlie signaled to them to let the man speak.  And he did.  And Charlie improvised.

At one point Charlie asked the man what his physical ailment was that put him in a wheelchair.  I was holding my breath.  It just reminded me too much of when Kanye West ordered an audience member to stand with the rest of the crowd, even though he was in a wheel chair.

But Charlie's a pro and he masterfully managed to engage with the man several different times while continuing on with his points.  And when Charlie had had enough, he finally yelled out, "Stop it or I'll boot your ass out out of here!"  And you know what?  It worked.  The crowd laughed and the man piped down.

Event organizers should always be prepared to step in and quiet a disruptive audience member.  Most presenter need that assistance.  If you are ever interrupted by an audience member, a direct and firm "That's a great question and I'll be happy to address that after my prepared remarks" will usually do the trick.  Sometimes, an additional "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to let me finish my remarks before I can address that" is needed as well.

But if you've built up good will with the audience and have the persona of a Charlie LeDuff, you can veer away from the textbook advice and have a little fun. 

Ever heard of Harvey Weinstein?

On October 5, 2017 the Harvey Weinstein scandal broke and it remains in the news as of the publishing of this blog posting.  A timeline of the events can be found here and related scandals can be found here.  So imagine my surprise when I attended an event just last week and heard a man at the podium use the following line as an ice breaker:

"A man's speech is like a woman's dress.  The shorter the better."

When I heard this I exchanged a concerned look with my dining companion but I'm not sure how many people noticed the inappropriateness of this remark.  A few minutes later, another speaker took the podium, this time a woman,  and she jokingly referred to the length of her own skirt in an apparent nod to the earlier speaker's comment. 

I get it.  Sometimes we search the web for a throwaway line or icebreaker to begin our remarks.  If it's related to public speaking or self deprecating, all the better.  But for heaven's sake, take a second look at something before you include it in your next presentation.  Even though this particular quote is a variation of Winston Churchill's, it doesn't make it right.

Dearly Beloved, We are Gathered Here Today to Celebrate this Thing Called Life

We've all heard the joke and it goes something like this:  Poll after poll shows that Americans' greatest fear is public speaking.  We even fear it more than death.  That means that at a funeral, most Americans would rather be IN the coffin than standing there giving the eulogy.

Giving a eulogy requires a different sort of preparation than most public presentations.  It is one of only a couple of instances in which manuscript speaking is both encouraged and appropriate.

The best discussion of eulogizing can be found in an Esquire magazine article I stumbled upon a few years ago.  Is this a good time to mention that I think everyone should read Esquire?  It has spot-on tips on fashion and grooming as well as compelling and thought-provoking articles on celebrities, books, movies, pop culture, current events, social issues and everyday life.

Do yourself a favor:  read this article and you'll actually hope for the chance to put these eulogizing tips into practice.